You know how there are certain things you say you will never do, when it comes to raising children? You know the ones I'm talking about, "I will never let my child sleep in my bed." "I will never give my child anything but milk, juice and water." "I will never..." I like to think I never said any of the previous statements, since I knew I would most likely "never" follow through.
I did however have one phrase that I know I said A LOT before and even after Mackenzie was born, "I didn't go to school for 7 years and take exams for 18 months just to be a stay at home mom." With that said, I truly believed it until I didn't. Does that make since? I always believed I would work through kids going to elementary school and MAYBE stop working while they were in junior high and high school. Brandon thought so too. Why would we give up that second salary if we didn't have to? That was how I felt until about 18 months ago. Then something clicked and Brandon and I just said to each other, we can get through us both working with one child, but what happens when we have two? How do you manage time off for 2 sick children when one child wipes out most of your vacation time each year. We made up our mind about that time to start looking at the budget for one salary and once I had another child, I would stay home.
Over the last 9 months, I've had mixed emotions. One one hand, I've been super excited about staying home. I have this sugar coated view right now of play dates and home pre-school and constant fun. On the other hand, I LOVE what I do and my job is great and I'm moving up in the company. On one hand, I'm nervous about taking care of my children 24/7 without constant adult conversation during the day. On the other hand, I worry about my children being in school for 11 hours a day and the conversation/juggling schedules of who will take off from work when one of them gets sick. Unfortunately, my job/career isn't really made for part time work, especially if you are managing a project, so the choices were all or nothing. After a lot of "what if" situations I had planned to ask my boss in order to continue working, I finally told my office that I wasn't returning after maternity leave. And you know what...they were super cool about all of it! I should have known they would be, seeing as how I just said I love my job and my office! They said I had an open door to come back whenever I wanted to too, 1 year, 5 years, whenever. That's super sweet and I'm so thankful for not being given a single drop of guilt for leaving.
So, unless Meredith comes early, I have 3 more weeks of a career I love and then I embark on a new career, that I know I will LOVE even more!